So, last night was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked for the night off just to go cosmic bowling. Did I need a night of no stress and just fun, yes, that's why I asked for it off, but did I get it, no. I should have worked and made money that I am desperately in need instead of and I would have avoided a lot of drama. I got to see my "best friend" be buddy-buddy with someone else and definitely not with me. I got to see the guy I am interested in and be ignored by him. I got to see my best guy friend, who just happens to be my so called best friends husband, fantastic, right, yeah I know. We had been talking about cosmic bowling all week at work and how we were going to drink and have a good time and he had nothing to drink. It isn't the drinking so much as it is that he does this a lot. He wants to go and have fun, have a drink, but his wife, my supposed best friend, gives him a look and he just sits there like a bump on a log.
So, being drunk and sitting in my car alone crying at the end of the night is not what I wanted to do, but that's what happened. I felt so alone and stressed out, everything came to a head and I couldn't deal with it anymore. Being a "grown up" and dealing with your problems by yourself is not easy. To be real honest it sucks, hard! I've always had friends who cared about me and were there for me when times were hard.
So, what have I learned you might ask. Well I have learned to go to work when scheduled even if there might be a group event that sounds fun, because I need the money more than I need "friend" time. I have learned that I have me and just me to depend and rely on. I have learned that my "friends" are self centered and only care about me when my life is conveniently stress free. What good does that do me though?
On another note, my dad is closing on his house on Monday. Which means I need to find an apartment pronto. I think living on my own will be good for me and help me to see who I am on my own. To fully depend on me and only me for everything I need, to be a "grown up".
Song of the Day: Lady Antebellum "I Run to You"
